Exit, Voice & Loyalty

If girls are socialised to marry, please their in-laws and stay put, husbands have the upper hand. They can dictate her fertility, clothing, labour force participation, socialising, or even violent punishment. When divorce becomes more permissible, countries generally become more egalitarian. Husbands are less likely to anticipate impunity.

Women’s ability to credibly threaten exit is part of a broader cultural transition towards gender equality - as has occurred in East Asia, Latin America, Europe and the US.

However, even if societies liberalise and gender pay gaps close, this is no panacea for gender equality. Higher rates of singledom can consolidate another set of norms. If promiscuity becomes pervasive, then partners will be repeatedly disappointed and distrustful. Rather than commit, they may have multiple concurrent relationships. Seeing “many fish in the sea”, men may be less inclined to settle. Why rush into marriage when there could be someone better around the corner? Once paternal desertion becomes normalised, single mothers bear the full burden of care - alone, on one income.

There seem to be three ecosystems:

1. ‘The Patrilocal Trap’;

2. ‘The Two Parent Privilege’ (Kearney) - but with destigmatised divorce;

3. Widespread infidelity, distrust, low commitment and high rates of single motherhood.

The Goldilocks escape from (1) ‘the Patrilocal Trap’ may be (2): women gaining the capacity for socio-economically independence, but not necessarily doing everything alone (3).

What matters is not just women’s capacity to exit, but men’s desire to be loyal, because they value her idiosyncratic love and companionship.

Let me illustrate these three ecosystems by sharing my interviews with women from China, California, Alabama, Rajasthan, and The Gambia.