Victorians' Secret: LOVE

“My struggle my Mary has been to provide for you and your little cherub and my pleasure and pride will be to see you enjoy what I can afford to give which shall be all I have... I pledged my soul to love honor and serve you”, wrote James Blair to his wife.

Victorian men’s private letters reveal a surprising truth: in an era of patriarchal dominance, romantic love became a subtle but revolutionary force for equality. Their passionate declarations weren’t just pretty words – they signalled profound social transformation.

Before the 20th century, our world was overwhelmingly patriarchal. Men were glorified as authorities, while mothers faced a brutal choice: stay with their husbands or face destitution.

Victorian America and Europe differed in one crucial respect that women could leverage to improve their welfare. Young couples enjoyed the freedom to court independently, without chaperones, enabling them to select for loving companionship. This liberty, combined with Christianity’s sanctification of romantic love and an emerging culture of individualism, meant that women could secure devoted male allies!!

“Searching the Heart: Women, Men, and Romantic Love in Nineteenth-Century America Edition” by Karen Lystra illuminates this transformation through analysis of over a hundred middle-class love letters. These intimate documents reveal the power of romantic love!!